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Oh goodness…
I’m not exactly sure where to start with this one however, let me point out that I don’t think I’ve laughed this hard in a long time…
I guess we’ll start at the very beginning… a very good place to start… when you read you begin with ABC…when you sing you begin with.. Do Rae Mi…
OOPS… hee hee
After church, we decided (upon the recommendation of Jason) that we go to Macado’s…small group today… so it seemed like it would be alright (seemed is the operative word here…)
(Side note: On my way there I called to check in with my mother and she told me that she and my grandmother now have Spring Break 2007 t-shirts — they are in Panama City, FL this week… it’s pretty bad when you live vicariously through a 52 and 87 year old woman… they are like two unsupervised teenagers… but if you’re curious as to where I get it from, there’s your answer…. )
We tell the hostess that we need a table for 5 and a high chair in non-smoking…once we established with the hostess that “5 and a high chair” was actually SIX we were told it would be awhile, but we could sit in smoking because there were only non-smokers there…
That should’ve been hint #1 about how the lunch was going to go….(because about 5 minutes after we sat down, we smelled smoke)
I head to the table with the server and she looks at a 4 top and says “we could just pull up a chair…” I say again, “We’re 5 and a high chair so I don’t think we’ll fit at that table…” Apparently, this is a TOUGH concept…
She pulls together 2 tables…and asks me to help…now, I would’ve helped anyway, it’s just how I am, but I don’t think in all my years of waiting tables I EVER asked a customer to help me put their set of tables together…I had many offer, and some help (especially waiting tables when I was 9 months preggers) but I NEVER asked…
That should’ve been hint #2 about how the lunch was going to go…
Eventually, we all get our drinks, and looking back this is the ONLY part of the afternoon that goes correctly…seriously…I’m not joking….
Eventually, she gets around to getting our order and we wait and we wait and we wait…
The tables around us are waiting, too…
At one point in time we ask for refilled drinks…well…not all of us…
Awhile later she comes back and she admits to us that she switched the two glasses….the glass that started with sweet tea now contained the orange slice (complete with the lemon) and the glass that previously contained the orange slice now has sweet tea…
Hint #3 about how this lunch was going to go…. (although we all decided that if she would’ve just taken the lemon out of the slice no one would’ve known the difference….)
We’re laughing and joking…I’m recounting the mouse incident from Tuesday (I haven’t seen these people since last Sunday so you know that I have LOTS to catch them up on… 
) and the food still isn’t there…
so Pastor Myron (oh didn’t I mention that I’m at lunch with the Pastor? Which makes this oh, so much more fun!) asks the server, Diana, if we might be able to have some chips…once…and then again…and we get a “I guess”…. kinda response
Hint #4… (are you seeing a patten here?)
More waiting…more talking…more laughing…and here comes Diana with a BAG of potato chips… when I say BAG I mean the BAG that they come in…just like you would have in your own pantry… not a basket with ranch dressing, not on a plate… the original packaging… and she hands them to Pastor Myron and says…
“They are really busy in the kitchen so I just brought you a half a bag…”
Blank stares…I think we are all processing what is happening but not exactly sure HOW to process what is happening….
“They’re safe…trust me”
and off she walks…
Hint #5….
I wish I could tell you that it got better from there but it didn’t…worse…but funnier…
Finally, she comes with a tray of food…asks if she can sit it on the table and we move our drinks to accomodate… Jason gets his sandwhich, I get mine, Pastor Myron gets his…and there’s no chicken fingers or pizza for the boys but there IS a sandwhich to which she asks “Does this belong to anyone?”… um, yeah… NO….
she says, “I’ll be right back with that food”….
Hint #6….
Genius me decides that NOW would be a great time to ask for a refil before she heads back to get the boys’ food… Jason does too and he takes his straw out of the cup… He’s the smart one… we decide that it will be easy to get our drinks right… but then Chad adds his cup and bends the straw slightly to distinguish his from the rest…
and Pastor Myron…ah…yes, Pastor Myron puts his up there and says:
“Mine is the one with the straw upside down”
(Are you seeing why I think I have found the most FANTABULOUS church for me?)
We sent her off with the request for 2 diet pepsis, a mountain dew/pepsi mix, and a pepsi…she comes back with a my diet pepsi that she gives to Jason (we learn this later because it had a straw in it…), a sweet tea, a mountain dew/pepsi mix, and an orange slice…i’m left without a drink….
::sigh:: Hint #7….
The boys FINALLY get their food…along with a slew of excuses as to why it wasn’t there with the rest of it…
oh and did I mention that the sandwiches and fries were cold…which we thought they would be nice and hot seeings how it took them so long to make it…
She comes back and we ask for our check…This was not hard… TWO checks..we had asked for that from the get go… and it wasn’t like we were scattered all over the place…
She begins to complain about the kitchen and how she (and the other servers) are getting yelled at…how they are all yelling at the kitchen, blah, blah, blah…and I’m biting my tongue…you DON’T pass the blame…you apologize your little butt off and MAKE IT RIGHT….and Jason cuts her off and says, “Just the check please…”
Pastor Myron pipes in with, “A discount would be great and maybe we could make it up in the tip…”
Her response… “Yeah! I’ll see if I can discount your drinks and yeah, give it to me and not to them…”
And you deserve it why?????
Hint #8…(are we on 8? I’ve lost count…)
She comes back with, guess what? ONE check! We tell her that we need two…but here’s where it starts to get beneficial for us…
Jason looks at the check and says, “We should just stick with this one…a lot isn’t on here” and for the 5 of us it was only $21.14…
But here she comes with two checks and when we realize that it’s the same amount I offer to pick up the whole check (yeah, el cheapo Heather… hee hee)… after a little arguing, the boys leave the tip and I make my way to the front to pay…
About that time, there’s a kid complaining about our waitress and when I had my ticket and card to the cashier he sees that we had the same server and hands my card back to me and says, “We’ll take care of it…”
“Are you sure?” I ask….
“Yes, just please come back…” he says….
Boy, did I luck out… of course this was after Jason asks Pastor Myron if we should mark this off the Sunday rotation and Pastor Myron said, “I thought we did a long time ago…”
Had I been with a different group of people it might have been different…but man did I have fun… Sundays have quickly become my favorite day of the week…and it’s not just the lunches afterward (although those are nice especially on the weekends sans kidlets…) but it’s the day as a whole… (and I’m not just saying that because I know those from the church will read this…seriously…read my other posts…)
Everyone is looking for something in a church…Mom says she needs the tradition but not me…thank goodness we’re all different….but really…this is where I feel at home…and comfortable…and that is a truly amazing feeling… 
Until next time…
Heather
This had me rolling my eyes and laughing . . thank the LORD you were with GOOD company! Made all the difference in the world!
