Empty…

It’s been difficult to come “home” to a hotel room every night.

It’s been difficult to try to figure out what I want to wear when I have limited selections.

It’s been difficult to try and figure out why in the world I brought seven pairs of shoes for a 5 day trip.

But most of all, it’s been difficult to live the life of a single woman with no children.

Many of you might say it’s a welcome break, and I’m not going to lie. There are parts of it that’s nice, but for the most part, it’s empty.

Between the time change and the Minute Nazi (this is what Mom and I call my Dad who is very funny about using the cell phone and their anytime minutes) it’s been difficult to catch up with the kids and talk. And when we do, they are more interested in doing things with Nana and Papaw than to talk to me.

It’s been hard to listen to the new things that they are doing…the things that I am not witnessing. I equate them to taking their first steps or speaking their first words.

If I were with them, they might not be big deals, but when my daughter calls and says that she’s jumping off the diving board and swimming to the ladder on her own… I want to see it. (After all… this is the girl who was wearing swim wings last year.)

But today…

I have been in meetings and training sessions all week. I’ve been excited because the program that we now have is a program that I have wanted for seven years. I’ve pushed for it at EVERY. SINGLE. tv station I’ve worked for. And now I have it. It will make my life better and help me to do a better job.

I saw my phone ringing. I saw that it was my mom. I let it go to voice mail and then listened to it when we took a break 5 minutes later.

“Hi! It’s mom. You don’t need to call me back, but I just wanted to call and tell you what you children are doing right now. They are shooting bow and arrows and they are having a good time. Hope you’re well and we’ll try to call you later.”

The tears started to form in my eyes. I could just picture them and how each would approach the activity… Matthew concentrating and aiming and trying to be perfect and Samara just loading it up, pulling back and letting go… not caring what happened to it in the end.

The phone rang again and I saw it was her. I slipped out to take it…

Me: Hello?

Mom: Why did you answer the phone?

(I love it when she asks me these kinds of questions…)

Me: You just called and are calling back so soon… I thought you were calling to tell me one of them shot the other one and you needed the insurance information…

Mom: Lord, no! No one shot anyone.

Me: Well that’s promising.

Mom: I just wanted to let you know that Matthew has gotten 3 bullseyes and Samara can’t even hit the target most of the time and she is pissed. Hee Hee Hee. She just pulls it back and lets it goes and it goes… no where near the target!

(Do I know my kids or what???)

But I’m missing it… I’m missing his triumphs and her gentle reminder that the world doesn’t revolve around her…

And it stinks…

But… I am blessed with parents who take them for the summer and give them all these experiences that I can’t. I am grateful that my travel just happens to fall this summer while they are gone and not when I would have to miss out on school functions and the like. And very much looking forward to hearing all about thier summer and seeing the pictures when they get home.

That fills me up… not quite as full as the suitcase filled with AWESOME shoes… the one the I keep packing and repacking so that it will close… but close…

Until next time…

Heather