Let’s give this a whirl….

Dear “friend” of Samara,

When you leave a message on the answering machine accusing me of not relaying messages to my daughter, it makes me angry. The fact of the matter is, I have given her the messages, however, she does not sit around the house yapping on the phone all day nor does she want to jump at the chance to call you when you’ve been yelling crude things to the back of the bus about her.

The fact of the matter is, she earns her phone time when she’s home. But really? When you’ve called, she’s been at church or with her father and I don’t care how late you say she can call, I have my own rules regarding the time that she can make phone calls and she couldn’t fit you in. And truthfully, she doesn’t WANT to talk to you.

Signed,

The Mean Mom

Dear Pastor Man,

I’m sorry I acted like a 12 year old in Sunday School today. I meant no disrespect, really, and I did learn. I was just in a weird, goofy mood. Yes, it is nice that our church isn’t boring, or I wouldn’t come, or even look forward to coming but sometimes that has an adverse affect. Trust me, I was convicted during the service.

Signed,

Your faithful (and sometimes immature) Parishoner… (in case you’re still not sure it’s me, Heather…lol)

Dear Public School System,

I know that there are children all over town that are in need of more help than my son, but my son needs help, too. I’m sorry that he’s not disruptive in class or totally failing, but what he is doing is barely keeping his head above water. Please take the time to listen to me and see that he is struggling. I’m sure he’d take the time to thank you during his Inaugural Speech when he wins the Presidential Election in 2028. Wouldn’t it be great to put RCPS on the map in that way?

Signed,

A Concerned Parent

Dear Big Brothers/Big Sisters

You’ve got a great organization and I thank you for allowing my children to benefit from it. Matthew’s big brother and Sam’s big sister are the bomb and I see the way that they are influencing my children’s lives. I wish that I could give back more than just a thank you, but for now, it’s all I’ve got.

Signed,

A Single Mom

Dear Rhoda,

I know you feel neglected but please don’t. We love you and you’re the best dog. Really, you are. However, while there is no one else sharing my bed with me, I have graciously allowed you to have half of the bed and I really NEED you to stay on your side of the bed. And when I get up to pee and you move over to my side of the bed really won’t make me want to pet you. It makes me angry that I have to move you over so that I can lay down. If you would just stay on your side of the bed I would be more than happy to rub your belly and scratch you behind the ears, because you deserve it. But only when you’re on your side of the bed.

Love,

Your loving owner

Dear Samara,

Ok, it’s been too long. I REALLY need you to clean up your room. If you don’t, one day I’m going to enter and never leave because I won’t be able to find my way out. And you’ll have to call search and rescue and then I’ll be mortified because someone saw the house in the state of disarray that it is in now. I understand that you are a free spirit and that you’re creative and all that other happy stuff, but seriously… at some point in time you’re going to need to learn how to pick up after yourself. Now would be a good time to start.

And really? I’m only telling you this because I love you. And because I value my life. And it’s in serious danger any time that I have to walk into your room.

Love,
Mom

Matthew,

Boy! You stink! I love that you’re into sports and I love that you’re becoming a man. But the smell has got to go. I’m not sure if you realize that the simple act of changing your socks on a more frequent basis AND getting those socks to the laundry hamper would help alleviate the smell that permeates from your room. Really, it’s that simple. I wouldn’t lie to you.

Also, I know that it takes precious time away from your active social life to shower following a game, but you played hard, you deserved to feel refreshed after I shower. And… you stink. It’s nothing personal. We all stink when we work and play hard. I just want you to be in tip top shape so that you’re not repelling all of the potential girlfriends that are put in your path. And even though I know that you don’t have time or want a girlfriend because you think that you have to take care of me, you eventually need to consider this. I’m looking forward to having a house to myself again (I think) and grandchildren (after you’re 30 of course) and you will need to find a wife so that this can happen.

Love,

Mom

Dear Mom and Dad,

I am so sorry that you had to take out extra life insurance because of the state of my room when I was living there as well as the stench that came from my room. Go ahead and laugh. I now know what you were going through and I wish that there was some way that I could make it all up to you.

Love,
Your favorite daughter

God,

Thanks for showing up today. I needed you this morning and I’m so glad that you were there.

Love,

Heather