Is there such thing as a perfect parent?

Thursday was my last visit with my counselor. I decided that it was time to call it quits. I broke up with him. I think he’ll be okay.

I left his office in tears after raising my voice at him when he brought up medication, again. It’s not that I don’t agree with the fact that medicine isn’t an option, but for me, it was a last resort. What bothered me most is that I told him that I didn’t want to do it and he kept pushing as if he didn’t respect my decision. I felt like he wasn’t going to be happy with me until I gave in and medicated the family.

I’ll also admit that I got pretty defensive and I closed my mind to much of what he was saying. Yes, I’ll probably find another counselor, I think it could be very beneficial, but I just don’t think that he and I were meant to be. Story of my life…

After a heart to heart with a friend on Friday, I was contemplating trying the medicine, for both Sam and I. She told me that I should just try it, that I’m always so stressed and I’m always at odds with Sam and that she’s only 8… and if she’s like this now, what was the household going to be like when she was 12 or 15 or 18? And I started to think about me at those ages. And how one day I just moved out and went years without speaking to my parents. I don’t want that for my kids and I.

She also brought up the fact that I was a single mom and that medicating them wasn’t taking the easy way out or admitting that you’re a failure. It was when she mentioned that when it all clicked. To me, medication was admitting that I was not able to do this on my own and therefore giving up. Sometimes I can get wrapped up in playing the martyr. I’ve always taken the hard roads when easy ones were available and almost every time it was because I had a point to prove. (Now, don’t get me wrong, I know that the easy way is not always the best way… but there were many times that I went about things the wrong way because I was trying to prove someone (read: my dad) wrong when all I really had to do was take his advice and go on my merry way.)

When Pastor Man asked me about my appointment on Thursday, I told him about it and he asked, “Did you blog about it?”

I told him no, and then told him that I was thinking about the medication. I told him about my conversation with my friend. When he asked me if I had looked into the diets and the other natural ways to deal with ADHD, I told him that I had, but that what it all boiled down to was that I had lost all confidence in my parenting abilities. For me to admit defeat was difficult, but it just came out.

And Pastor Man didn’t fail me with his wisdom.

“No, Heather, you weren’t meant to do this alone, but you CAN do it. Regardless of what you choose to do, you’re not a failure. There’s no such thing as a perfect parent. Even Mary, full of Grace, lost Jesus in Jerusalem. So if Jesus’ parents lost their child, what makes you think that you can be the perfect parent?” Of course, that’s not a direct quote, and there was a little more to it, but you get the gist.

41 Every year his parents went to Jerusalem for the Feast of the Passover. 42When he was twelve years old, they went up to the Feast, according to the custom. 43 After the Feast was over, while his parents were returning home, the boy Jesus stayed behind in Jerusalem, but they were unaware of it. 44 Thinking he was in their company, they traveled on for a day. Then they began looking for him among their relatives and friends. 45 When they did not find him, they went back to Jerusalem to look for him. 46 After three days they found him in the temple courts, sitting among the teachers, listening to them and asking them questions. 47 Everyone who heard him was amazed at his understanding and his answers. 48 When his parents saw him, they were astonished. His mother said to him, “Son, why have you treated us like this? Your father and I have been anxiously searching for you.” 49 “Why were you searching for me?” he asked. “Didn’t you know I had to be in my Father’s house?” 50 But they did not understand what he was saying to them.

51 Then he went down to Nazareth with them and was obedient to them. But his mother treasured all these things in her heart. 52 Jesus grew in wisdom and stature, and in favor with God and men. Luke 2:41-52

I had no idea that Mary and Joseph lost Jesus. I guess in my infancy Bible knowledge, I just assumed that because Jesus was born unto them, they were the perfect parents. Assumptions will kill you every time.

We continued to talk and things started to clear up just a little. No, I still don’t know if I’ll try medication for either of us. There are days that I wonder what life would be like if I had focus. While I don’t like the ADHD label, in the research that I’ve done, it explains alot. I’ve always felt that I was wired differently than others and in some scenarios I hate it while at other times I love it.

When we got off the phone, I thanked him for his pastoral guidance, and for telling me about Mary.

It was comforting to know that Mary and Joseph lost their child. Although, I’m sure they didn’t have the joy of experiencing the embarrassment of Code Adam, they way I did when Matthew decided one day that he was bored looking at the clothes and wandered off to the toy section. And like Jesus, he couldn’t figure out why we were worried and told us that we should’ve known he went to the toy section.

When we were getting off the phone he said, “Go read about the time Mary and Joseph lost Jesus” followed by, “Are you going to blog about this?”

“I’ve already got the post started in my head…” I told him…

He just wants to make sure I tell you all how smart he is…

Until next time…

Heather