This is who I am… online and off

I’m supposed to be cleaning today. Remember?

Um, yeah…

Let’s just be honest for a minute. It’s not going to happen. Not today at least. I got the kitchen done yesterday. I got the laundry done yesterday. But I did not get my bedroom done, which is fine. I did not get the craft room done. Which is fine. They’ll get done.

I’ve already compiled a list of “projects” for the kids for this summer. I mean, that’s why we had kids, right? To become our slave labor and show them how to properly care for a house?

Well, that’s why my parents always told me. That and how they lie awake in bed at night just thinking of ways to make my life miserable. I wish that I could say I never said that to my kids. It’s something that I told myself I would never tell my kids. But, I say it. And smile. Because I’m a good mom like that. Always attempting to torment my children the best way that I can.

Speaking of tormenting children, there are a few of us middle school moms that have decided to chaperone the first school dance, much to the dismay of our children… yes, even Matthew who hugged and kissed me in front of his entire class today. Apparently they won’t enjoy seeing us shake what our mamas gave us in front of the MIDDLE SCHOOL student body. Oh well. We’re going. If they let us. A few of us have a “reputation”… or at least, if we don’t, I think we should.

Anywho, I have a point here. (Seriously… I do.)

After the third grade awards ceremony, I stuck around for the fourth grade ceremony. I wasn’t going to, but there are some kids that Matt played football with and some girls that I coached in cheer leading in the fourth grade. I thought it would be nice to see them get their awards.

I lie.

While that was nice and I felt good that I was there, I really was only there because at the end of the fourth grade ceremony the fifth graders hand the school over to them, say goodbye to Green Valley and sing a song that came out when I graduated from high school, and is guaranteed to make you cry every.single.time. you hear it. Today was no exception.

But I need to be a little more honest. While I wanted to see this, what I really DIDN’T want to do was clean and if I wasn’t bawling my eyes out again over the fact that my MATTHEW is going to MIDDLE SCHOOL, I would have to be here. Cleaning.

I know you feel the same way, so don’t even try to deny it.

Now, here’s my point. (I told you that I would have one.)

After the ceremony and after I quick wiped away the tears, I spotted one of the other moms. I wanted to touch base with her because while my kids think that they are getting off the bus today and grounded until their rooms are clean, it’s just not true.

(MAN! I love to do this to my kids!)

We’re going to Chuck E. Cheese. THAT is how much I love my children and are proud of them for passing their respective grade levels.

As I made my way over to her, she was standing with another mom who I’ve always seen around the school, but have really just come to know this year. She sat behind me at a school assembly and my video camera crapped out and she was ever so gracious to make me a copy.

HER daughter is the SCA president and you know about the SCA drama that we have in our house. Fortunately, I think we’re passed that.

As I approached them, SCA Mom said to me, “I’ve been stalking you.”

I kinda chuckled and in my mind, I was wondering what she needed me to do for school because it’s done. But maybe there was something else that I just wasn’t privy to or invited to. Hey! I’m used to it… I have a “reputation”…remember?

Then she mentioned Shane. And Shane’s blog.

And that’s when it hit me.

Ok, I was still clueless. She had to spell it out for me.

“I’ve been reading your blog for months. I know all about you. I love it!”

Immediately, as I’ve done at least one other time this week, I started wondering if I said ANYTHING bad about people in the school, or other children, parents, teachers… or GASP… HER DAUGHTER, THE SCA PRESIDENT!!!!!

But she kept talking, and telling the other mom all about my makeup and hair and how I fixed my own plumbing and just complimented me on my blog and how she loves to read. She talked about my testimony and as she was reading the comments where people wanted to know more, she was thinking the same thing.

I have to tell you… being outed wasn’t on my list of things to do today. (Although, neither were awards ceremonies and Chuck E. Cheese either.) But it was okay.

But the best compliment that I received from her, and no it wasn’t that she liked my writing, or that I was funny (even though both are incredibly true) it was that she said I was the same way online and off.

This might not be a big deal to you, in fact, many people use the internet to become someone they are not. Because we can! We can be whomever we want on the internet. I could be blonde, big busted, married, with five kids if I wanted to portray myself that way. (For the record, I wouldn’t be any of those things except married with at least five children.)

But I want to be me. I spent so many years of my life trying to be someone that I am not…. for whatever reason, whether it be to gain friends, win over some boy, be popular, etc. It was hard work. And as we’ve seen from the fact that I am NOT cleaning today, I’m not really into hard work. (HA HA HA HA HA…. I AM a hard worker… on things that I want to work on…)

I am me.

Moreover, I’m thrilled that people, some people, not all of them, but some people like me. FOR ME.

This is who I am. Online and Off…

And I’m proud of that. Because it’s a struggle sometimes. It’s hard to show the many facets of Heather that all intertwine to make up who I really am. And for someone to see this… someone who I haven’t personally invited in, is a big deal to me.

I’m also THRILLED that SCA Mom thinks I’m cool, because quite honestly, (and I didn’t mention this to her today) I think she’s real cool, and a mom that I want embarrassing the crap out of our kids at the first middle school dance in my circle. I was just too intimidated to get to know her (and many other moms at the school) because I didn’t have the confidence in myself to think that I measured up as a mother.

And as I sip on my Diet Dr. Pepper anxiously awaiting the school bus to deposit my children (and their reports cards) off so that we can go live it up with the Big Cheese, I’m going to clean my desk and do my filing. Because then at least I can say that I’ve cleaned.

Until next time…