And all is quiet…

I know.

It’s so unlike me to go days without posting.  Unless of course, I’ve made it so melodramatic and asked for prayers and acted like the sky was falling.

As much as I deny it, I can be a drama queen.  No seriously.  I can be.  But I try hard not to be.

And I’ve been absent.

I’ve not shared with you many of the things that I want to share with you because there just hasn’t been time.

Work is kicking my butt, y’all.  I mean, knock out, drag out, knocking me on my butt kind of thing.

But I can’t complain.  I’ve been with the company for three years.  I’ve NEVER been this motivated before.  I’m loving my new responsibilities.  I mean LOVING.  Like, I don’t mind working on these things to get caught up and/or ahead on the weekend.

The problem is, not only has it picked up but so has Desperately Seeking WordPress.  I guess when you talk about how great it WordPress is, people eventually want to move and the designers that I’m working with are all doing great with their businesses, and so it flows. (And speaking of… WAIT until you see the project that I’ve been working on… you’re going to LOVE it!  But I can’t show you just yet.)

And then there is soccer and football.  Do you know that this week with football, we have practice Monday, Tuesday, Thursday and Friday and a game Saturday night AND Sunday night?

Let’s not forget the back to school things that are going on.  Like we still need school supplies.  And my children are in desperate need of a hair cut.

And the house?  Yeah, it needs a good scrub down.  The kids managed to get their rooms cleaned… well, ok, I can at least see the floor now.  But it’s a start.  And I’ve made a rule that from 6-8pm while Matthew is at football, I will clean.

And so, as suggested by Beth, I put my running shoes on and I clean.  The running shoes help.  Really.  Try it.  I would’ve never believed it, but it’s true.  I get so much done.

I’ve assigned the kids chores, which, quite honestly, I should’ve done a long time ago.  Tonight, Matthew did the dishes after dinner.  And I cooked.  Those darn kids want to eat every night.  Do yours?

Today, when I walked into church, my mind was racing with all the things that I need to be doing.  We sang a few songs and I went to the altar to pray. It’s nothing new for me as I go almost every Sunday.  I guess growing up Episcopalian, I feel like I must be kneeling for God to really hear what I need to say.  I just laid it all out on the line.

I’ve not been to church in a few weeks.  The whole summer almost and not because I didn’t want to go, but because I’ve been out of town.  I’ve started to control things again, or at least try to.  I’ve taken on the weight of everyone else including those in my youth group, my friends, my kids, etc.

I’ve stepped up and said, “You know what God… don’t worry about this.  I’ve got it all under control.  I don’t need you.”

I’ve done it before.  I know that I’ll do it again.

And I’ve been drifting.  Funny how the sermon was about that exact same thing?

No.  Not funny.  It’s God.  Telling me that He knows and was just waiting for me to admit it so I can put my tail between my legs and go back to doing what I’m supposed to be doing… letting Him handle it.

The funny thing is… I didn’t even realize that I was drifting.  Other people saw it.  They brought it to my attention.  But I didn’t want to admit it although deep down, I knew.

But what really drove it home was my lack of desire to blog.

I know, right?

I have not wanted to blog for three days.  To be honest, I’ve not wanted to blog for awhile, but I felt like I needed to. I felt like I had to get these things out.  Not only for you, but for me, too.  To capture these memories, these thoughts, and these feelings for when my kids look back at their childhood – when I’m long gone.

But today, after I again confessed that I’d been trying to do it all, trying to do things that I can’t do, trying to do things that only He can do, I felt better.  I came home and got so much housework done.  The kids helped and now we’re going to go and watch a movie.  Because we’ve earned it.  (That and I have more laundry to fold and what better time to do it than while watching a movie.)

And tonight, I’m going to try to go to bed earlier.  Because this 2-3am thing is getting old.  REAL OLD.

And I’m going to pull my focus back to where it needs to be.  On Jesus.

We must pay more careful attention, therefore, to what we have heard, so that we do not drift away. Hebrews 2:1

I hate drifting… because when you finally realize where you are, you don’t want to be there.

Until next time…