And then there were none…

Do you hear that?

Silence.

Complete and utter silence.

And it’s bittersweet that silence that I’m experiencing.

It’s amazing how I can be so excited for weeks to get them out the door and then the moment that they leave, I want to scoop them back up and keep them with me.

Samara was dressed to the nines with her new dress and her Hannah Montanna sneakers, complete with 36 cupcakes to take to school and her splinted finger.

And I was not allowed to help her with the cupcakes to get to the bus stop.  I was instructed to stay at the top of the hill while she walked the younger kids to the bus stop.

Forty-five minutes later, it was time to get Matthew out the door.  That, my dear friends, was much harder.

I know that I’ve struggled with him growing up and going to middle school.  After orientation last week, I was no longer fearful for him and figured that all I would have to worry about was me.

However, when it was time to go to the bus, he realized that the highschoolers were there waiting.  All of a sudden, he didn’t want to go to the bus.  Fear set in and I could see it on his face.

I allowed him to sit with me on the porch for just a little longer before I told him that he could wait no longer.  The fear of getting on that bus, the right bus, was raging with in his mind.

As I watched him walk down the street, I could see him wiping his tears.  My heart was so heavy and I hurt so much.  I wanted to call out to him and offer to take him to school, but I knew that it would only prolong the inevitable.  I feel confident in the decision that I made, although, had he asked me to take him, I can’t be confident that I would’ve been so strong.

But I waited on the porch until I needed to come in for my conference call and when I went out to take the trash out, he was no longer there.

The school hasn’t called to let me know that he hasn’t arrived, so I gather he took my advice to ask the bus driver of whatever bus stopped if he was heading to the middle school.

Right now he’s in math class.  He’s already had pre-AP science.  I hope that he got his locker opened right away and was able to find his classes.  I hope that he’s made a new friend and reconnected with old ones.  I hope that he’s enjoying his first day of this new chapter in his life and that the tears shed on the street this morning have been replaced with laughter and smiles.

The Lord and I spent some time together after Matthew vanished behind the trees to the bus stop.  I hope Matthew feels the Lord’s presense with him today and I hope that Matthew took my advice that if he got overwhelmed, that all he needed to do was shoot up a prayer and know that God was going to middle school today too.

And so here I will sit for the next six hours… waiting… wondering… worrying…

Because as anxious as I was for some peace and quiet, I now want to speed up the clock so that I can see how their first days of 4th and 6th grade were.

But for now, I’ll get some work done… in the quiet… and enjoy it, knowing that my children are out there, learning to be their own person, discovering new things about themselves, others and the world.

Those are things that I can’t teach them here.

Until next time…