When you question it all…

The other night a friend sent me a message that said something along the lines of “did you ever have a day where you questioned everything?”

My response?

“Yeah!  Tonight!”

And it was so true.  I was stuck in my own head for most of the day questioning everything in my life.

Questioning things like:

• my ability to drive well
• my parenting skills
• my coaching skills
• the type of Christian I was
• was I the youth leader that I should be?
• Am I really supposed to be a youth leader?
• An evangelist?
• whether or not I was a good writer
• whether or not I was a good employee
• if I really did know all that I said I did about the techie stuff

But the biggest thing that I questioned was the location of God during all of this.  Where is He?  Why is He standing idly by while I’m over here trapped in my own mind?

And then I questioned whether or not I should really be upset by the piddly little happeneings in my life when we have people who are losing their homes due to hurricanes, those who have lost their loved ones in a war, mothers losing children, children losing parents, and all of the other things that I see on the news and in the community that surrounds me.

But, I know that if it’s important to me, then it’s important to Him.  I know that.  I’m confident in that.

One small hurdle that I’ve overcome.

So, after my little pity party, I spent some time with Him.  I think it’s what He’s been trying to do all along but I was too caught up in my own life to realize that.

In our time together, I went down my list of greivances.  I told Him what I wasn’t keen on and things that I would like to happen.  I might have mentioned that I would really like to do it my way, but that I would do it His way.  (I always like to be honest with Him, ya know.)

In the end, I’m not sure that I resolved anything of paramout proportions.  The things I was facing and questioning in my own life are still here today.  And they will be there tomorrow.  They aren’t things that I have control over, which sucks, in a way, because I like to have control.

Don’t we all?

The difference in where I was a few days ago and where I am today is that while I would like to have control, I know that if I can’t, I can have faith that there is someone far more qualified than me to handle it.

We can’t blame God for suffering of any kind.  We just can’t.  He doesn’t CAUSE the suffering… we do.  Satan does.  But He doesn’t.

But He uses that suffering for His good.  He uses it to draw us closer to Him.  He uses it so that we can extend grace to others.

I’m not trapped in a world of doubt today.  I don’t doubt my knowledge, my abilities or my faith.  And depsite the gloomy weekend that the weather forecasters are predicting this weekend, I’ve got my own forecast.

Bright.  Sunny.  Happy.  Spirit filled.

I like my forecast a whole lot better.

Until next time…