You Wanted to Know…. Wrapping it Up…

I’ve drawn to the end.  This is the end.  It only took me eleventy-two bajillion days to answer questions that I asked you to ask because I didn’t have anything to write about.  And, as a relative of Murphy, as soon as I opened my mouth, of course… I had lots of things to write about and no free time.

But I’m finishing them.  Because I promised.

So Chick asks:

What is your greatest fear?
Greatest failing?
What is your biggest accomplishment?

Before I go any further, I need to tell you something.  Chick?  You know, That Chick Over There?  She is a REAL LIVE AUTHOR.  No, seriously.  Here’s her book.  And it’s going to be released on the 5th of February.  And it looks really good!  I can’t wait to read it and I’m going to get to because I have friends.  And one of those friends bought it for me for my birthday.  Actually, this birthday was the year of the pre-orders.  My birthday gifts are coming in slowly.  So now I have Fireproof and Meeting Mr. Wrong to look forward to!  And really?  Don’t feel bad about clicking over and looking and buying Chick’s book.  You don’t have to keep reading.  Checking out her dream coming to reality?  WAY COOLER than my senseless drivel.

So, if you did go check it out and now you’re back, I’ll answer her question.

My greatest fear has to do with my children.  I am deathly afraid that they will leave my home when they turn 18 and never return.  Or call.  Or send cards.  I’m fearful that I will live alone with 18 cats.  That really wouldn’t be a problem, except, well, I don’t like cats.  (Yes, I know I have a cat, except technically, it’s Sam’s cat and she’s a special cat — not like those other ones.)  I never minded being single because I came to the point where I knew that I was where God wanted me, however, in my mind, I always felt that at some point in time, most likely after the kids had left the nest, that I would find someone.

But I have visions of my children coming back to visit me with their spouses and kids and big family gatherings.  I have visions of them calling me just to say hi, or tell me what their kids are doing while attempting to hold back the tears and me, like my mother does to me, just chuckling saying, “I know, dear.  You did it to me.”

But really, that’s my fear.  Not dying.  Not a child dying.  Not living life alone. That my children will hate me and once they escape they will never come back.

My greatest failing?  Oy.  I don’t know.  I’ve screwed up so many times in my life that it’s hard to pick the biggest one especially since all of them worked to make me who I am today and have what I have today.  I could easily say that I failed when I dropped out of college, or when I got married, or when I had a child out of wedlock.  It would be very easy for me to do that.  But each of those events, those “mistakes” changed me and ultimately made me a better person, thereby removing the “mistake” label that so many, including myself at one point in time, gave them.  It was not a mistake to drop out of college, or get married, or have get pregnant.  Maybe in the eyes of the World, but not in the eyes of my God.  He knew that I was going to do it, free will allowed me to do it, but I learned something from each and every single failure that I’ve encountered.

Yes, I’m one of those people.  I have very few regrets and if you asked me to go back in my life and do something differently, I’m not sure that I would.  Yes, there have been mistakes and yes there have been things that I could’ve done differently or better, but they would not put me where I am today.  And where I am today isn’t so bad, really.  I’m not in love with my house, but it’s a roof over our heads.  The things that I would want are purely material.  I can take them or leave them.

Elbert Hubbard says, “A failure is a man who has blundered but is not capable of cashing in on the experience.”  Havelock Ellis says, “It is on our failures that we base a new and different and better success.”  And Thomas Edison?  He says, “I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.”  He said that when he was inventing, or attempting to invent, the light bulb.

I truly don’t see failure in my life right now.  I see mistakes that I’ve learned from.  I see potential for growth and change.  But the only time I see failure?  Anything above the medium level on Guitar Hero or Rock Band.

And lastly, Miss I’m-a-published-author-now asks, about my greatest accomplishment.  Hmmm.. this kind of goes along with the failure thing, in a way.  I’ve accomplished alot.  I could make a list that looked like I was boasting and bragging, but the reality is, a list of accomplishments really means nothing in the long run.  But I guess what makes my chest swell up when I think about what I’ve accomplished in my life, I think it would have to be… well, no.  That wouldn’t be it.  I want to write my faith, but I struggle saying that’s my biggest accomplishment as it’s an ongoing thing, so perhaps I’ll say that my biggest accomplishment is that I have NEVER given up (at least when it comes to life — I give up all the time when it comes to small battles that aren’t worth fighting).  I’ve gotten pretty good about making lemonade out of lemons that I’ve been handed.  For some, it might not be the taste that they would like to have, and often times, yes, I wish my lemonade was a little sweeter, but we’ve never gone thirsty because I didn’t want to deal with the lemons.  The lemonade might have taken awhile to get made, and I might have mumbled and grumbled along the way about how someone else SHOULD have made the lemonade and that it’s not my JOB to make the lemonade or how I don’t WANT to make the lemonade, but the lemonade always gets made.

Of course, I do this everytime I go to the fridge and see that one of my two beautiful children have emptied the pitcher and sat it on top of the washing machine empty, as well.

And of course, I live on the realization that “if the kids are alive at the end of the day then I’ve done my job.”

So that’s all I’ve got as far as questions go… we’ll play this again… maybe.  Actually, I like doing this.  Makes me feel famous or something… almost like I’m getting interviewed.  Heh.

Until next time…