I know that I do. I’ve not been writing as much. Sure, here and there in my little journal, but not on here. Please know that it’s not that I don’t have anything to say, because I do. I always have too much to say. Part of my charm. In fact, people worry when I stop talking. Like the other day, the boy was teasing me and I said, "Ok, that’s it, I’m not talking anymore."
And do you know that I didn’t talk for twenty whole minutes?
It was difficult, but I’m stubborn and try as he might he couldn’t get me to talk. I finally did when he begged. (And no, I won’t let him forget that he BEGGED me to talk.)
So yeah, I have tons of stuff to say but I just haven’t. Some of it is spiritual. Well, alot of it is actually. I’ve been in a pit for quite some time. Most of it because of worry. And I know that I shouldn’t worry, but I do. Of course, what do we all worry about?
Money.
Everyone I’ve talked to talks about money and the lack of it. It seems to cause all this stress. But when you look art it? When you really stop to look at it?
It’s just money. It’s not what makes the world go round. Sure… it’s helps it spin, but when push comes to shove, you tend to realize that all the things you can’t afford are just things. It’s just stuff. I can’t take it to heaven with me so why do I need it?
And it’s been one thing after another with us these past few months. For one, I’ve not paid daycare in over four years. It’s been a struggle for me. My car? The cursed one? Um, yeah. It needs about $400 worth of work done to it.
Matthew’s teeth? He’s got the most expensive teeth in the family. And then? To top it all off? We came home from vacation to find a dead TV.
Heh. Even if we could afford to go out and replace it, we’re not going to. We’re going to see how long we can go before there is a revolt over no tv. We don’t have cable. We hardly ever turn it on. So what’s the point?
Despite all of this, both the boy and I struggling with our finances, he looked at me and said, "Reckon we ought to give the church money?" It’s true. We had slacked on tithing, primarily because we hadn’t been there, but ultimately?
We didn’t think we had the money.
(And yes, he really said reckon. Cracks me up.)
It was weighing heavy on my heart before he had even said anything. I knew that I hadn’t been tithing. I knew that I was in the wrong by not making sure, no matter how much money I didn’t have, that the church was getting 10%.
We combined our money and I walked into church so very afraid to turn it over. I didn’t have the faith. It wasn’t there. And not just in this regard, but overall. I lost faith.
But the gold collection plate was passed to me and as I normally do when placing my offering in the plate I prayed as I deposited it, asking God to use that money to bless others the way we have been blessed and, if there were any blessings left over, we could use a few as well.
I’d love to tell you that we won the lottery or something along that lines, but we didn’t. I found a check in a stack of bills for $34. The boy got a refund from the doctor’s office for $25. It wasn’t much, but it was something. For each of us, it was enough to know that God was just sending a message…
"Have faith…the storms are going on all around you, but I’m right here."
And He is. It’s so very apparent. Despite the storms. Despite the unfortunate events. Despite the things that are going on, He is right there. He’s standing right beside us every step of the way. He’s ready to listen. He’s ready to hear us. He’s been standing there the whole time and we’ve just been too caught up in our own little world of worry to acknowledge Him.
And I’m ashamed. I really am.
But no more.
I’m right here too, Lord. I’m leaning on you and not my own understanding. I know that you have plans for me…plans for us. I know that you will give us strength to just keep on keepin’ on. I know that with all my heart. I know you will never leave us nor forsake us.
And that?
Way cool.
It’s just stuff. It’s just stuff that we don’t need. The only thing in this world that we NEED is Jesus. And He’s free.
He already paid our way.
Until next time…
{ 5 comments }
That’s awesome, I love hearing how God moves and shows up in people’s life right when they need Him most! We’ve been there…we’ve not had money to pay bills. When Kevin and I moved out to CO, he had to take his money out of his 401K to help pay for things (bad idea, we know), when the time came to pay taxes on that, we didn’t have the extra money. We continued to tithe despite of not having the money and wouldn’t you know it, God showed up…we got the exact amount we needed to pay for all those taxes. And when I say exact amount, I’m not exaggerating! 2 different checks showed up in the mail from an unknown source (they were both Cashier’s checks with no return addresses on either), the total from the 2 was the amount needed for the taxes! How awesome is our God?!
Yes,I do say reckon. Ya’ll got a problem with that?
Yes, you need to blog more because I’ve missed you. Praise God for how you’re taking His hand to get you out of the pit. Went in my own pit this year so I understand. Temporary but ugly…all about not trusting like you wrote about. God is so good…we can never outgive Him. That extra $34 and $25 is BIG, let me tell you. He’s faithful in showing His mercy and it’s so awesome when we’re paying attention! I don’t feel so comfortable talking about tithing because I’m convinced it’s not about the percentage, but instead the heart…but we’ve been so blessed when we’ve given a consistent monthly amount and had it deducted automatically. I’m not as tempted to spend it that way. Many times we’ve seen how he’s multiplied that offering for us (not that we do it for that reason). One time we gave xx amount and got xx amount (exactly the same amount) for our adoption expenses from family and friends. He is amazing!
Do you know that Jesus talked more about money management than he did about prayer? (I’m sure you know that, Dave Ramsey says it all the time!) So obviously He knew that money was a difficult subject for His children.
And I’m preaching to myself here too, but when we start to withhold our tithe from God, He starts to withhold blessings from us. Seriously. I’ve experienced it time and time again. And on the flip side, I have experienced God’s abundant blessings time and time again when I am faithful in giving to Him what I have promised to give.
Hope all is well with you. Missing you! (I need to share pics, haven’t yet, I’ve got LB wearing pigtails! She’s SOOO cute!!) Love ya!
Thanks for the reminder!! Money as been a constant source of worry for me over the past year and it has gotten me nowhere, except stressed out and frustrated. But as you said, you have to have FAITH!! It will work out and God will provide!!
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