Before I go any further about my calling and God’s plans for me, I need to pat myself on the back.
Know why?
I’ve made it halfway through the month… FIFTEEN WHOLE DAYS… and I’ve blogged every. single. day.
And I appreciate all your comments, whether they be here or on Facebook…I love reading how people missed me… or the fact that perhaps I’m getting my groove back. It’s been wonderful. So much in fact, that I think I’m going to keep on going and at least finish out the month. I mean, I’ve even got to the point that I’m experiencing things and going, “I think I can blog about that.”
Really.
I know…
and again, before I get to the topic of this post, I have to say something else…
Happy Birthday, Mom. 
She turns 29 today… again.
Heh.
Ok, so let’s talk about my calling.
Now… it’s been discussed here that I have been called to teach… youth specifically. I truly believe that He has called me to write, although, I’m still waiting on Him to tell me WHAT I’m supposed to write, or just confirm that I’m to share my faith through the World Wide Web. Maybe that’s all there is to it, and I’m okay with that, although… really?
I would like it to be more. I think there is more. But I’m okay with this little blog-o-mine and sharing my faith that way. Really, I am.
In fact, I prefer that route to the knocking on doors and talking to strangers with another one of my callings, of evangalism. But, I’m not going to complain. I’m not. I’m just going to do what I’m told, because Heaven is going to be climate controlled and hell?
Not so much.
Now that I know, I’m not taking any chances. Heh.
So we’ve got those callings, right? But I firmly believe that there’s more. I know, right? You think that I’m crazy. I’ve just listed three gifts that He’s bestowed upon me, more than enough callings to keep me busy in addition to the mother/significant other/daughter/friend that He’s called me to be.
But I can’t shake the feeling that there’s more… that there’s something bigger on the horizon and that I’m still “baking” as PB tells me… and when He’s ready to reveal it to me, He will. And maybe when He reveals whatever it is, it’s going to be a combination of the gifts that I’ve already listed, but you know what?
Even though I’m really not sure WHAT I’m supposed to doing when it comes to Him, I can tell you what I’m NOT supposed to be doing… and that?
Housewife/Stay-at-home mom.
Please, please, please don’t get me wrong. Those of you that have been called by Him to do that? God bless you. But me?
Nope.
And please don’t get me wrong, it’s not that I don’t love my kids and my house and want to make it wonderful for all to reside in and be there for my kids, etc.
It’s not that. It’s just….
I need more.
I really do.
Like, I’m off and I have a list of things to do a mile long… laundry, grocery shopping, school projects, etc. Plus I have a sick little one home with me today (I know, imagine that, right…. a kid. Sick. Again.)
Anywho. Even though I have enough to keep me busy, I just don’t see that as something that could occupy my time all day and feel satisfied with it.
Now the boy and I have had this discussion so many times and I fear that He thinks being a mother isn’t good enough for me. That couldn’t be further from the truth. I love being a mother. I love bandaging boo-boos. I love the hugs and the pictures that they draw for me and yes, I even love the chaos of my life. Not a big fan of sick kids if they are throwing up, but even that doesn’t bother me, too much. (God, please keep any and all stomach bugs away from this house and those that are in the house or come to visit. In your precious name I pray. Amen.)
The boy? His calling is to be dad. Work and provide and when the work day is over, he’s so good about leaving it behind him and he’s dad for the rest of the night and on the weekends. I envy him for that. Because that’s not me. I take things everywhere with me and can’t seem to compartmentalize like that.
I want to be a wonderful mother. I want my kids to look back when they are grown, out on their own, with kids of their own and be proud to call me their mother. I don’t want to NOT be a mother and be something else, but I guess the best way to say it is that I want to supplement my motherly duties with something else, even though I’m not sure what that supplement would be.
And while I don’t want to be a stay at home mom, I would love one day to be a work at home mom again. That’s when I truly felt like I was accomplishing the best of both worlds, but if that’s not in the cards, then so be it. Getting out into the real world isn’t so bad. I mean, I have made some wonderful friends since I’ve gone back into the office setting.
I think I’ve lost the point of this and rambled on.
For now, though, I need to sign off, change the movie, go switch out the clothes, make my meal plan for the week and the accompanying grocery list and finish cleaning up the kitchen.
It’s a nice change, but glad it’s not what I have to do every day.
Until next time…
