And The State of Today Takes Me Back 13 Years…

Thirteen years ago today I was a very pregnant, nineteen year old girl.

And I say girl because, well, I like to imagine myself younger.

But I was just a girl.

It was Christmas Eve and I was in our insanely small but to us it was the Taj Mahal apartment in South Philly.  I can even tell you what I was wearing.  My only pair of maternity jeans and a white cable knit sweater.  Somewhere around here, I even have a picture of that day, but I chose not to waste my time digging it out, nor do I wish to share with you what I looked like.  You might not be able to recover from it.

I was in our teeny, tiny kitchen, that had about a foot of counter space, attached to a small stainless steel sink and was attempting to finish up some Christmas cookies.

I’m pretty sure I felt that since I was planning on entering the wonderful world of motherhood in just two short weeks that I needed to bake.  I had a mental list in my mind of what I needed to do which included running up the street (South Street) and pick up a few last minute gifts, finish the cookies, and wrap the rest of my stuff so that we could be to his mother’s house on the other side of Philly (which would include a 45 minute to one hour public transportation ride) by 6pm.

Yes, that’s where I was.

I was standing at the sink when I felt something wet running down my leg.  I had been a centimeter dialated for over two weeks and I truly thought nothing of it.  But then again, I thought nothing of everything.  I knew it all, I didn’t need any one’s help and I had things to do.

My mistake, looking back, was telling J about it.

His immediate reaction?

Panic.  Total panic.  As in, he was on the phone to every one and their brother and ushering me to get my coat because we were going to the hospital right then and there.

I protested of course.  I knew it was nothing.

And, after all, I had things to do.

I had cookies to bake, presents to buy, and wrap.  I did not have time to go to the hospital… which was by his parent’s house… an hour by public transportation.

But he would not take no for an answer and so I left everything as it was, donned my coat, and off to the ER we went.

And we got there and people were calling and he was panicing, and I was hooked up to all these machines and I was attempting to explain to all the nurses and doctors that there was nothing wrong with me… that this baby was quite content and he was not coming any time soon.

I kept telling them about all the things that I had to do.  They kept nodding their heads, telling me they were just going to observe me and the baby, and if nothing was wrong I could go home.

But they clearly didn’t understand the predicament that I was in.

My mother-in-law was expecting us.

We were supposed to be there at 6 and as it stood I still had to go back to our apartment and get all the stuff that we were supposed to take up there even if I didn’t get it wrapped or those cookies done.

But no one seemed to care.

And that brings us to today.

I have a cheesecake and pie to make.  I have to make the two french toast casseroles for tomorrow’s breakfast.  There are cookies that need to be made for Santa and I still have one present to buy and multiple presents to wrap.  Oh and I have to clean.

And I have to do all of this before I need to head out of here to be at the boy’s mother’s house at 3.

::sigh::

While I’m not planning on being in the ER today with false labor signs, I’m just not sure how I’m going to get it all done.  At least thirteen years ago I had a great excuse for why I was lacking or things weren’t done.

Today?

I got nuttin’.

So what am I doing?

I’m not doing any of the things that I’m supposed to be doing.  I’m working out my anxiety online by blogging about it.

Hey, wait a minute… I think I just found my excuse….

And for the record, I was right.  Matthew was tucked away in my belly, quite content to stay where he was… Just like I tried to tell every one.

All that panic for nothing…

But since when did people start listening to me?

Until next time…