I Think I Might Have Squashed His Manhood… Just a Bit…

So, it’s ball season here at the House of Chaos.  (That’s what I’ve nicknamed the boy’s house, by the way… it’s fitting.)  With two playing this year, and two kids who both have feet that have grown more than a full size from last year, we are in the need of cleats.

(And seriously?  When did sports get so freakin’ expensive?  I’ve already paid $95 for Thing 3 to play baseball.  And that was enough only to place him on a team.  Add another $70 for Thing 2?  :: Sigh ::)

So we made plans to take Thing 2 and Thing 3 cleat shopping tonight.  But in addition to cleat shopping, we also needed to purchase a cup.  (That’s for Thing 3 obviously… but just wanted to point that out.)

I said to the boy last week that my cup shopping days were over.

Have you heard my cup shopping experience with Matthew?

No?

(even if you have, you’ll laugh again, because we’re still laughing about it…)

This is an except from a post from June 1997 entitled, Happy Father’s Day To Me…

And then there’s taking Thing 1 to purchase his first, er, um, althetic supporter. I was shocked when they told me he needed one as he’s got nothing to support (so glad this is on someone else’s blog and not mine, as I’m sure when he’s 25, he’ll love knowing that I’ve told the world that he’s got nothing to support….) but come on now! He’s 10. After speaking to several males, they agreed that the family jewels must be protected. (What is it with you guys?)

Off to Dick’s I take him (yes, I’m chuckling too…). I have his younger sister in tow and I mention that we’re going to buy him a cup. Apparently my father has already explained this to him (Thanks Dad! Love ya and I owe ya!) and all I have to do is figure out what size he wears… sounds easy, right?

I send his sister off to look at something else while we decide what to purchase and he’s mortified (ask my brother…he’ll tell you how uncool it is to purchase your first cup with your mother!) Is he a small? Medium? Certainly not a large. Of course when you say that he just lowers his head as if he’s embarrassed to be seen with me. He escaped unscathed and as a side note, because it’s so hilarious… we get in the car and his younger sister jumps up from the back seat and asks, “Did we get the glass for Matt’s penis?” Get it? Glass? Cup?

But when we arrived at the store, I headed straight for the athletic supporters and was just about to grab the one that Thing 3 needed when the boy approached me from behind and said, “why don’t you go on and I’ll get this?”

I did walk about halfway down the aisle when I realized that he was doing exactly what I was doing when I took Thing 1 the first time.  So I walked back over, made a few comments and said, “he needs this one.”

The boy took it and we headed for the cleats.

“I thought you said you cup purchasing days were over?” he asked.

“Well, I had more experience,” I replied.  “I’ve already done this and you haven’t.”

There was a pause. So I asked if I was wrong in my thinking.

“No,” he started.  “You’re right.”

Another pause.

“My manhood is only slightly squashed,” he said.

I felt kinda bad.  It’s not that I wanted to squash his manhood by any stretch of the imagination. As a single mother, I’ve been able to learn alot of things that some mothers never get the chance to learn.  The boy has younger kids and hasn’t had the opportunity to learn the same types of things.

I had just been there and done that…

But I guess, to make it up to him, I’ll let him take one of the girls to the store to buy a bra… or pads…

That sounds about fair, right?

Until next time…