Let me set the stage…

I arrive home from work and Thing 1 is at the dining room table doing homework.

Thing 2 is in the living room doing homework.

A beautiful sight I tell you… both of them doing homework and me not having to hound them.  I think it’s going to be a good night.

I head to the kitchen to start dinner.  We’re having something new.  Rachel Ray said it was quick and easy.

Silly me.

I believed her.

I carefully tried to read the directions when Thing 1 asked for help.

“Whatcha need buddy boy?” I asked as I wiped my hands on the dish towel and headed into the dining room for a look see.

“I can’t remember how to divide decimals.”

Crap. I suck at math.  And that was the math that I learned how to do… not this “new math” that they are teaching them.

I try to point him in the right direction and head back to the kitchen as I hear Thing 2 calling for me.

“Mom! I need help.”

I head into the living room and guess what she’s stuck on?

Math.

Again.  Suck.

I help her and head back to the kitchen.

(I know that you’re already thinking, “why doesn’t she put them in the same room?”  Well I could… except they would fight and vie for attention.)

I grab the eggs from the fridge and one falls on my foot… so there’s egg everywhere.  I clean that up (or so I think) and go to open the tuna.  Now there’s tuna juice everywhere.

“Mom,” Thing 1 cries.  ”I just don’t remember.  I’m so stupid.”

“No you’re not.  Give yourself some credit.  It’s just day 2.  You haven’t done algebra all summer.”

“Mom,” Thing 2 calls, “Why did you put me in advanced math.  This is hard stuff.  I’m dumb.”

“No you’re not,” I reply.  ”You’re a math genius.  Hang in there.”

Meanwhile my onions are burning and I play math helper ping pong through the house beefing up my children who, bless their hearts, are truly trying to do a good job and struggling.

Then my phone dings.  The sound means my beloved hubs is sending me a love note.  Except he wasn’t.  ”I just messed up big,” he wrote.  ”I’m an idiot.”

My fingers were quick to the keys to respond with “look, I’m in the middle of math hell, the kitchen is a disaster, there’s egg in between my toes, and the rest of the house thinks they are idiots too,” but I didn’t.

I was halfway through when I deleted it and simply wrote, “no you’re not.  What did you do and how can I help?”

Now, I tell you this not because I want you to think that I’m some amazing saint.  I’m not.  Fortunately for me, about that time, my friend arrived and since she’s an accountant… and likes math, stepped in to help the kids while I finished getting dinner in the over and the kitchen back under control.

Because I wanted to continue channeling Jesus.  I felt good after I responded with caring and compassion and my initial response wouldn’t have done any sort of good.

I made it to the mall to help Thing 2 pick out her birthday present and pick up the last remaining school supplies.

We got milk and cereal.

And then I walked in the door to chaos… kids here there and everywhere.  Books and supplies strewn from one end of the house to the other.  Papers from school on the table, sorting to do, and while the hubs was working on getting the younger ones down and had started the dishwasher, I lost it.

No one seemed to care that I had walked in the door carrying all the loot that I shelled out for others.  The demands were quick and no one really wanted to go to bed or the shower.

And all of a sudden I lost my connection with Jesus.  I was channeling no more.

And then I might have laid it all out there to my husband like a snotty little brat that didn’t get her way.

Sometimes I wonder how in the world Jesus could do all He did and be cool with it.  How could He not look at people and go, “suck it up and get over it?”  I’m in constant awe of the way He lived His life.

“Be perfect as your heavenly father is perfect.”

Yeah, right.

Perfect.

I am not.

But praise God for grace.

Because I need alot of it.

Until next time…

{ 3 comments }

“I met 20 new best friends… but there’s only 17 kids in my class…”

“I have a new best best friend!”

“Really?  What’s her name?”

“I don’t know.”

“Mom!  I had the BEST DAY EVER right up until it was time to go home.  I opened my locker EVERY single time until then!”

All in all it was a good day…

Until next time…

{ 3 comments }

I am one big, hot mess.

It’s horrible.  I keep sitting here telling myself that this is silly and that I should be completely okay today.  But I’m not.

Today is one of those days that will go down in parenting infamy.

As in, I’ve NEVER been this way on the first day of school.  Typically, I’m the mother the emulates the old Staples commercial where the dad is going down the aisles singing “it’s the most wonderful time of the year.”

And yes, I’ve been the mother that has been super excited to get her morning time back and to cease all daycare payments.

Until 8am this morning.

Maybe it’s because all four of them were starting new schools.

Maybe it’s because we had two milestones in that thing 4 started kindergarden this year and thing 2 started middle school.

Maybe it’s because I knew that thing 1 and 2 both missed their orientations.

Or maybe it’s a combination of all of the above.

Regardless, we put things 3 and 4 on the bus and then I drove the older two to the middle school.  My plan was to at least have 20 minutes to walk around the school with Thing 2 and find her classes and work with her locker.

And we had that time.

She was slightly frustrated with the locker.  I kept telling her that she would not be the only child that had trouble with her locker (shoot!  even i had trouble with it, showing her.)

But then?

It was time to deposit her in the auditorium with all the other 6th graders and when she walked in, I know that she was looking for a familiar face.  My heart sank.  I knew she wasn’t going to find one.  All the memories I’ve contained as a child of a first day in a new school came flooding back and I knew just how she felt.

But she turned and looked at me and said, “I’ll call you after school.”

I left.

But I wasn’t ready to leave that school.  So I marched up the stairs, found her locker and I prayed hard over her locker.  I prayed that satan be bound from that school.  I prayed for peace.  I prayed that it would open the first time every single time she came to unlock it.  I prayed for the students that owned the lockers next to hers — that they would be kind and caring.. and friendly.

This came after I woke up 20 minutes before anyone else this morning and sat on the desk as the sun was rising and prayed my little heart out for all four of them on their big day.

I have been a bundle of nerves all day.

Perhaps I should’ve prayed for me and the hubs.

I wonder if Thing 4 has had a meltdown yet because things weren’t perfect, or because someone wouldn’t share.

I wonder if Thing 3 has saddled up with another kid and chatted away like he normally does.

I wonder if Thing 2 is being her normal outgoing self.

I wonder if Thing 1 has talked to ANYONE.

And it’s lots of thinking and wondering and praying and calming myself down.

Silly, really.  Because I know that they are all fine.

They don’t have to be scared or nervous.  I’m doing that just fine for all four of them.

Which is kinda what Jesus did for me.  He hung on that cross for me.  And for the hubs.  And the things.  And for you.

Not that I’m condoning my worrisome behavior as the Bible says not to worry.  But I’m going to cling to what I know He did for me.  What He did for those kids.  And trust that everything is just fine — and we’re going to have lots of memories of August 23, 2010.

But man! I can’t wait to hear about their day!  It’s going to be exciting in the House of Chaos tonight!

Until next time…

{ 6 comments }

If I were an outsider, looking in on our current situation, I would be excited for us.  I would tell us it’s exciting to see God moving, speaking, and working in our lives.  I would tell us what an honor and a privilege it would be to have God use us and stretch us in ways that I never thought possible.

But we are so close to the situation that it’s hard to see all of this.  There’s part of us that see it one minute and it’s gone the next.

And I say us, because I firmly believe that we are in this together.

And part of our problem is being “busy”….

I’d love to say to God, “Walk with me while you talk and make it quick.  I’ve got somewhere to be in 10 minutes.”  I’d love it if that’s the way He works.  But it’s not.

But tonight, a silly little thing happened.

I fed the dog.  That’s not the silly part but it’s an important piece to the revelation because I don’t typically feed the dog.  The boys of this abode take care of that.

But tonight, as I was getting the kids ready for bed, Thing 4 asked the hubs to tuck her in.  I happened to be standing infront of the dog bowl, looked down, realized that it was empty and replenished her bowl.  Noticing her water bowl was on “E” as well, I took that over and filled it and when I sat it back down on the dishtowel (we’re fancy people around these parts) I thought I saw a pumpkin seed.

I continued picking up the kitchen, waiting for it to be my turn to say good night to the kids and continued to rationalize in my brain how there could not be a pumpkin seed on that towel.

As in, where in the world would a pumpkin seed come from?

When I went back over to look, it was, in fact, a pumpkin seed.

That meant one thing.

We MOVED the pumpkin seed because there has not been one pumpkin in this house that could’ve deposited a seed in our brand new kitchen.

And I know that we moved it because the last two Halloweens there have been pumpkin seed fights in the kitchen.  Oh yes, I allow them with the instructions that you’re required to clean it up later.   I thought they had gotten them all but this one attached itself to the dishtowel and it’s been there ever since…

And it has to be attached because we threw the towel and the bowels into a box upon exiting the old house and threw them in the kitchen upon entering the new house.

I halfway feel like I need to name the pumpkin seed since it’s obviously decided that it’s part of our permanent home.

I tell you all of that only to set the stage… the true value of the pumpkin seed is what it reminded me of and that’s how far we’ve come in the last 18 months… to remind me of the tough times that we’ve endured and how we overcame.  And while things aren’t exactly the way we WANT them to be, we really can’t complain.

You see, we started remodeling this house in October of last year — about the same time that seed appeared in our kitchen.  And through the last several months, we, collectively, have been through quite a bit.  There’s been a lot of uncertainty.  There’ve been alot of heated discussions.  There have been times of bliss and times when he and I just didn’t think we could go one more day.

And then we got married.  (If that wasn’t a miracle, I don’t know what was!)

But something got us through.  And even though the finish date on the house kept getting moved and there were times that we never thought we would be able to actually LIVE here… we’re here.

And we’re happy.

And it’s everything that we dreamed it would be and then some.  What’s more?  The kids LOVE it.  I know this because they randomly tell us.

I say all this, alot of rambling and alot of backfill for a very simple message…

A message that we all need to hear and to be reminded of… (and hon, I’m so sorry that I preached at you tonight when you were tired, could barely keep your eyes open and wanted NOTHING to do with all my Jesus speak…)

Sometimes?

We just don’t know how it’s all going to play out.

Sometimes?

We just have to have faith that it’s all going to work out.

Sometimes?

We need to be reminded of His promises to us.

But that?  Requires spending time with Him.  (and please know, I’m guilty of this, too!  It’s HARD!  We’re BUSY!!!  And if the devil can’t make us bad, he’ll make us busy!)

And if He can use a pumpkin seed to show me what He’s already done?

Man!  He’s good!

Until next time…

{ 3 comments }