Originally posted May 29, 2008

And the saga continues…. we’re up to Part 4.  If you’re new to the story, here is Part 1, Part 2, and Part 3…

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We talked for nearly two hours in his office.  I can’t tell you what all about as I don’t honestly remember.  I know that I said to him that I thought it was cool that a Pastor had a MySpace page.  (because, you know, when you’re looking for someone to bare your sould to, they should have a MySpace page).

I know that I felt at ease and I admitted to him that I could see something in these people, these people at the church where Matthew played ball.  I wanted what I saw.  I wanted him to tell me that I could just order a dose online or something, but he didn’t.  He told me about these people, about the church, about his life… about his mother, a single one at that… who raised four boys.  He told me the things she did right, and the things that she could’ve improved on.  He was so open, honest, and genuine.

But then he asked me if I was ready to let Him help and I said, “If I not there already, I’m close.”

Silly answer, no?  He knew (as he admitted) that I didn’t like to be pushed and he didn’t push.  And I am ever so grateful as if he would’ve pushed, I would’ve walked out and never come back.  But he was real.  He was honest.  He didn’t put himself above me because he was a Pastor and I wasn’t even a Christian.  But more than anything?

He listened to me.

I came home and talked to Lisa some more.  She gave me Bible verses to read and write about.  She told me to journal, at least 3 pages every day.  Not on the computer… no!  I had to handwrite these thoughts.  Having no other options, I did what she said and talked to her about things.

Pastor Man invited me to church on Sunday.  I told him that I would think about it.  The reality of it was, I had to talk it over with Lisa first.  This church was different.  This wasn’t what I was used to.  Part of me felt like I was cheating on the Episcopal Church because I was going to go to a Wesleyan Church, which is stupid, because I wasn’t going to church at all.. so what did it matter?

After talking to Lisa at length, I told her that I would go.  The kids would be with their dad so I wouldn’t have to worry about them in a strange service and freaking out because these people put their hands in the air when they worshiped.

Saturday rolled around and my friends were all going out.  Downtown.  To a bar.  And I was going.  I was excited.  I told Lisa before I went that I was going to go to church the next day.  I told everyone at the bar that I was going to church the next day.

Yes, as I downed whatever sissy beer I happened to have been bought, I exclaimed that I was going to church.  I’m sure it was a sight.

But when I rolled in the door at 5am, drunker than a skunk and looked at the clock I determined that there was no way in Hades that I was going to church.

I didn’t set the alarm.  In my drunken stupor, I figured that if I was up in time, I would go and if I didn’t then they would be there next week.  After all, what’s one more week?  I’d already missed several already.

At 8am I was awake.  And when I say awake?  I mean WIDE AWAKE.  I couldn’t get back to sleep and tried every bed in the house and the couch trying to get back to sleep. I was tired.  I was hung over. I wanted to sleep.

At 9, when it just wasn’t happening I got up and putzed around the house.  I contemplated going to church.  The reality of it was, I didn’t want to go.  I was afraid, which, at that time, which is how I lived my life — Afraid of everything… taking the car to get inspected, afraid to open the mailbox, afraid to leave the house.  I tried my hardest to talk myself out of it but didn’t really want to tell Lisa that I didn’t make it to church.  I promised her I would go.

I went to church and let me tell you!  They did things much differently than they do at the Episcopal church!  They have a projector and lively music and people praying and crying and I cried… oh boy did I cry.  And I took notes during the sermon.  I had questions like “How come it was okay for David to kill Goliath when the Bible says ‘thou shall not kill’?”

I wrote them all down on my bulletin so that I could ask Lisa when I got home.  And they were so nice to me.  They made me feel so very welcome.

And when I got home, I sent Lisa a little message telling her that I had been to church.  When she asked me about the night before, I told her all the details, including being wide awake at 8am after being out all night.

What she said next amazed me.  She told me that she prayed for a wake up call so that I would get to church!  Praise the Lord!  I often wonder what would happen if I never made it to church that day.

I decided that I would at least look for a church, an Episcopal church, mind you, because I had it in my head that I needed to stay within that denomination.  I prayed that God make it obvious.

After basketball the next Saturday, as I was leaving, five people said, “See you tomorrow.”  I think that was pretty obvious.  I went.  I cried.  I wrote my questions for Lisa and asked when I got home.

For two weeks we went back and forth on saying this prayer of Salvation thing.  I struggled because it was so different from what I knew and bless her!  She’s got the patience of a saint.  She never yelled at me or gave up on me.  I remember those two or three weeks just being horrible.  I did nothing but cry, read the Bible and pray.  But I just wasn’t going to say this prayer.

I was stubborn.

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THAT is the picture of the dinner table on Monday night.  I don’t think there’s that much food on the table on a normal day, but there are so many recipes that we want to try (and I want to make sure that I’m cooking the “staples” too, that I know the kids will like.)

So, in the picture, you’ll see oranges and watermelon, baked potatoes, and then sweet potato fries (which were to die for — we are SO making them again!) and the veggie burgers which are made out of black beans, potatoes, corn, onions and a host of other things.  They were pretty good, too.  All but Thing 2 ate that… but she at least tried it.  Oh and Thing 3 skipped out on the meal.  He stuck with some crackers and toast which was the first thing that he had kept down all day seeings how he got the stomach bug that Thing 4 passed on to him this weekend.

Yes, leave it to me to combine the stomach bug with a post about food.

What’s not pictured is the salad which Thing 4 gobbled up, but this is the same child that will sit in the garden and eat veggies as fast as she can pick them.

All in all, they tried new things, and when they left the table, they were stuffed.

Which was the same comment that I got tonight after dinner.

Tonight was Faux Fried Rice which had tofu, and some other stuff, but it was on the spicy side.  The boy?  Insanely excited to have something with “flavor” and even though we aren’t big fans of the spice, it was good enough to tolerate the spice that accompanied it.  In addition, we had Asian Noodle Salad which they all picked at last night while I was making it.

It was a do-again as well.

But, like any kids, they like snacks.  And the granola recipe I found has been a huge hit for us in addition to the home made corn chips and roasted chick peas.  What’s really cool?  We’re experimenting with the recipes and the kids are helping in the kitchen and they love eating their creations as well.

Are we sticking to the fast totally?

No.

I accidentally had some cheese today.  I had a lunch appointment with a client and they picked a Mexican place.  I chose a bean enchilada thinking that it was a safe bet but I forgot to tell them to eliminate the cheese.  And I was about half way done before I realized that I was eating cheese.

The kids had Cheetos for snack at their after school program… and I pack their lunches still with the bread that they are used to and like…and I don’t care.  I know they enjoy those things and it’s not like we’re going to hell if we don’t stick to it religiously.

But at home?

We are trying.

It’s a balancing act, as with anything else in life.

But in thinking about it, cutting out meat for us was really just cutting out chicken as we cut out red meat a few months ago… short of the occassional burger that we would eat.

And I know that the elimination of caffeine has done wonders for me already.  I actually got up like a normal person this morning.  I didn’t feel like a zombie when my feet hit the floor and I actually felt mentally awake before 10am.

I’m anxious to see how the boy and I feel over the next few days, since we are the only two who are truly doing the fast without modifications.  I know from past experience that I felt great, but this time?  I’m cooking more and trying different things.

And so are the kids.

And that’s pretty cool.

Secretly, I’m glad that the older two realized that the weekly fast they chose was not for them.  They are back to eating with the rest of us.  I’m proud of them for trying but knew that they would struggle.  I never discouraged, because they need to learn certain things on their own.

But the best part of all of this?

The boy and I are preparing the meals together.  We make them the night before and are able to chat and laugh and spend a little more time together.

Regardless, of where we go with the fast, I’m hoping that we continue that in the future.

Until next time…

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Originally posted May 28, 2008

This is part three of my story…. to start at the beginning, you should read Part 1 and Part 2 (DUH!)…

My life was falling apart.

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Functioning in the full capacity of a mother was tough. I made it through football season despite the fact that my own introvertedness made it impossible to reach out to other people… My pride stood in the way of asking other parents for help with rides to games and the like.

I beat myself up for missing games, even though I only missed them if I was taking the other child to a game, never because I just didn’t feel like going… and I can assure you… there were many Saturday mornings that I just didn’t feel like going.

Football season ended and my father was adamant about getting Matthew involved in another sport. Matthew was not the athlete. To convince him to play football was nothing short of a miracle. He’d wrestled before and didn’t want to do it again…Period. I did sign Samara up for Upward Cheerleading and asked Matthew several times about playing basketball.

Several times he said no. I was in no mood or frame of mind to argue. I let it go.

We took Samara to her first practice… painstaking as it was. I had just made it through watching her cheer during football, and now I had to suffer through yet another season. Please don’t get me wrong, I love to see my children doing what they love, but cheerleading was not my thing. It’s really just a jealousy issue since I was too fat to be one when I was a child. At the end of her practice, I needed to talk to her coach, and Matthew was on the court with a few of his friends from school.

As we walked out of the gym, Matthew excitedly asked me if it was too late to sign him up for basketball. I turned around, walked back in the gym and asked the coordinator if it was too late. Thankfully it wasn’t and I called the very next day and got him signed up.

The church that Matthew practiced at church I’d never heard of before. It wasn’t the big ginormous church that Samara was practicing at. (No, that would’ve been too easy to have both of my kids practice at the same place.) I got directions and took him. He played. He seemed to like it and then we attended his first game.

I really didn’t know what these Upward games were all about. I did know that they were Christian based and at churches, but that was the extend of it.

And then this man got up and started talking at halftime. I looked at my ex-husband and said, “oh great, we’re going to get preached at.”

And then he introduced himself as the Pastor, and I was all…”Get out! He doesn’t even look like a pastor.” I don’t know what I thought a pastor should look like. I grew up with religious figures wearing black shirts and white collars. I guess I just assumed that was the way that it was everywhere.

Pastor Man stood there and spoke and I don’t even remember what he said. But at the end, he said, “If you’d like to know more, please come find me or Jason.”

I felt compelled to say something to him, but didn’t. There were too many people, I had the kids, and a gazillion other excuses.

About the same time that basketball started, a friend from the business world (enter Lisa B.) announced that she was leaving the Virtual Assistance (VA) industry and becoming a Biblical Coach. She said that she was looking for guinea pigs and because I love to learn, and I thought it wouldn’t hurt, I told her to sign me up. She had me fill out this questionnaire and it said to be honest. So I was.

I cringed sending it to her but her response was only that she was a lot like me and we began to chat online about different things. I opened up about some of the things going on in my life and one day, I just started to cry. And I told her that I was crying. (Keep in mind, all of these chats are via instant messenger on the computer.)

I admitted to her that when the Pastor spoke that day, I felt compelled to talk to him, but that I hadn’t. The next thing I knew, she was giving me a telephone number. It was the number to the church that Matthew played ball at and she instructed me to call and make an appointment to talk to him.

Was she nuts? I don’t know this guy! What was I possibly going to say to him? But she wasn’t taking no for an answer and so I called.

I prayed that no one would answer the phone. My how I prayed. If he didn’t answer, I could just tell Lisa he didn’t answer and then I wouldn’t have to worry about any of this.

But he did.

Today. the six of us began a three-week fast.

Now, please do not think for one single minute that I am depriving myself the children of food.

I would NEVER do that.

(to children or me!)

But we are partaking in the Daniel Fast.  If you’re unfamiliar with the Daniel Fast, think Vegan with more restrictions.  Basically we are only eating things that came from a seed and water…with a few modifications.  And those modifications?  Mostly made for the children.

So, any dairy, meats, processed things, preservatives, and sugars are gone.

And when we brought home the groceries yesterday we made them GONE.  We didn’t throw anything away that we could eat after breaking our fast, but we moved it all to the basement.

Out of sight, out of mind, right?

Right.

The boy and I carefully planned our menu.  Whereas I try very hard to ask the kids what they want for dinner and make kid friendly meals, we know these are not going to be on their lists of requests in the beginning.  But we had a meeting and we discussed the fast.  Why we are doing it, the benefits of fasting and answered all the questions they  might have. We told them they had to at least TRY what was made for dinner and if they didn’t like it, they could have an alternative — something that was Daniel Fast approved and they liked.  (So we’ve got rice, salad, peanut butter and jelly, spaghetti, and a host of other things.)  Oh and they aren’t allowed to go, “ewww gross.”

But I have to be honest.  I might struggle with that one too.

The older two, my kids, have been through this before.  We did it a few years ago with modifications and I have to tell you, it’s insanely helpful for the ADHD that Thing 2 and I possess.

But it’s so freaking expensive.

And for that reason, in addition to the time it takes to prepare most of the meals, I was apprehensive about tackling it again.

I’ll be honest.  It was the boy’s idea.  He’s mentioned wanting to try it no less than eleventy bajillion times since first hearing me talk about it.  And I shared with him my hesitation, but committed to giving it a whirl.  We are going to try it for at least a week, although both of us would like to carry it through the remainder of Lent, giving us a little more than 5 weeks to continue.

We’re on day 1.

I miss my coffee.

The lack of caffeine headache was terrible yesterday, but gone today.  But I miss the taste.  I miss the routine.

Instead of doling out vitamins and the normal cereal/pop tart breakfast this morning and making coffee for the boy and I, I found myself doling out fruit, soy milk, and home made granola.

I have to admit.  I felt much better about giving them that, instead of the junk, despite the ease of the latter.

And so, I’ll try to document the fast here.  We have many things that make this a tad difficult.  We did tell the kids that it was their choice whether to break or honor the fast while they were with their other parents.  The last time, my kids stuck to it and I would ship them off with a bag of food when they left.

This time?

I don’t know what they will do.

However, I do know that Thing 1 is fasting this week by only having a liquid diet and Thing 2 is fasting by eating only fruit and veggies.

I think they are crazy, but I’m so stinking proud of them.  I love when the kids do things to draw closer to God.  Makes my heart swell up like a big balloon.  And I’m hoping that the fast, coupled with the reading of Daniel and the set of devotions we have for dinner time will allow me to do the same thing.

So what exactly are we eating?

Well, last night I made home made corn chips and cut up pineapple, watermelon, and the like.  I also made home made granola.  Most of these things are now gone, so I’ll need to make more tonight.

Tonight, I’ll make Kale chips and roasted chick peas. (For the record, 4 cups of dry chick peas is equal to 12 cups cooked.  You know, just in case you have a recipe that calls for 4 cups of COOKED chickpeas.  Just sayin’)

These are all for snacks, of course.

But as far as meals go?

Monday:

Homemade Veggie burgers (made with carrots, onions, black beans, corn, and potatoes) and sweet potato fries

Tuesday:

Faux Fried Rice and Asian Noodle Salad

Wednesday:

Hat off to the chef chili with tofu

Thursday:

Sweet Potato salad and Tofu Scramble

Friday:

Stuffed Peppers

Saturday:

Moo Shu Vegetables and Indian Flatbread

Sunday:

Leftovers

So there you have it.

We’ll see how we do.  I’m excited, nervous, hesitant all at the same time…

Fasting in the Fast Lane won’t be easy, but I have no doubt that it will be very beneficial to us all.

And who knows… we might adopt more of this lifestyle when we’re all done.

(Although, I would like my coffee back.)

Until next time…

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